My Ideal Life
On a cold, windy day before the new moon in Aquarius I was given the writing prompt “What is holding you back from your ideal life?” I pause and stare at a blank page. I am thinking through the lens of Aquarius - innovation, shaking things up, serving the collective - and nothing comes. The next day I give myself stillness and time to sit with it; I pull an oracle card and meditate - and still nothing. Maybe I just need to start writing, so I grab my laptop - and nothing comes to me yet again. So after 3 nothings, I ask myself if nothing might be the answer. Let’s explore that.
What is holding me back from my ideal life? First, I need to know what my ideal life is. And I do know that already! It is a life of internal peace and love. As I write that out it feels quite vague. So let me explain what I mean, starting with love.
My ideal life is one where I am connected to other people who I trust and love so deeply that I share every part of myself with them and give them a piece of my soul to hold. The vulnerability to give it away with no safe-guards, holding not a single piece of who I am back, and knowing it will cause pain because I am giving it to a human being and all humans make mistakes - but giving it all anyways because the experience of such a deep love is worth that pain. It goes the other way too - my ideal life is one where I am connected to people who I hold a piece of their soul and get to act selflessly to protect, nurture, and cherish it. I love them for everything that they are, warts and all, because the entirety of their being deserves love.
For me, having internal peace is having my actions align with my values, my purpose, and my spiritual beliefs. Do I even know what my values, purpose and spiritual beliefs are? I do! I know that there is a shared humanity between us. I might not understand it, but I know there is something that connects us all. Call it oneness, the universe, global consciousness, source - it does not matter to me - but I know that connecting into self is connecting into the oneness of humanity. So in my ideal life I connect internally to myself through stillness, reflection, gratitude, movement, and a love for every single part of me - the good, the bad and the ugly. I know that love is the language of connection and our souls are lucky enough to be in human bodies that can create, express, and receive love in so many ways. The gift of being a human is we are the universe experiencing the universe and we can choose to do so through love. So, in my ideal life I get to experience this life with radical self-love, the deep connection with friends and family, and service to community.
So I will rewrite the prompt: What is holding me back from living a life where I live with internal peace and experiencing the universe through love? And I return to my first thought - nothing. Nothing is holding me back because I already am living my ideal life. The realization that my ideal life is not a perfect life - I have wounds that need healing, I am human with flaws that I want to change, I am going to have to relearn the same lesson many times over - but I am living my ideal life as I have everything I need within myself for this journey.
